Happy New Year Friends!

I believe every day is a new beginning. We never have to wait for a New Year to start to start a new us, but there is something about the end of something that inspires us to begin something and so it is that we celebrate the beginning of this New Year that is upon us.
I don’t know why, but for me there is is something quite magical about the numbers 2-0-1-6.
As frightening as the world may feel right now, I believe there is a spiritual shift taking place that is going to be spectacular, depending on how we choose to look at it. Why do I feel this? Because I have been experiencing the discomfort that many of you have also been feeling, There’s no doubt about it, shifting is uncomfortable.
Every bump along the way has meaning. Every hurt you have endured counts for something. You may not be exactly where you want to be, but you are where you need to be until you get there, even if it doesn’t make sense today.
I call these back door Blessings.
On Christmas day, we decided to drive to Las Vegas from Los Angeles because we assumed no one would be on the road. We were wrong. A 4 hour drive took us almost 8 and when we pulled off the road in Victorville to get something to eat at the In N Out Burger, we had missed a fatal shooting at the In N Out parking lot by a half hour. Yellow tape all around the parking lot. Back door Blessing. I didn’t complain about the traffic after that. I was right where I was supposed to be. God is in control.
As I write this, I am about to face a challenge someone is wrongly putting me through. It is upsetting, but I am not going to get myself sick over it. I am doing everything I can, and going through it has taught me a valuable lesson. People are not always who they pretend to be. People have agendas. Not everyone has a pure heart, and that is not to make me change, but to simply make me learn a painful lesson. Run background checks on people. But in spite of this, I am calm. Why? God’s in control and I am a girl of Faith. He has my back.
In life, Don’t allow things and people to take you down. If you aren’t getting championed, then be your own champion until you get the support you need. I promise you, in my lifetime, I have pretty much emotionally been everywhere anyone who is reading this has been. I am not writing this from my head, I am writing this from my heart.
God has your back. If you live a life of integrity, tell the truth, do what’s right, take care of your business, your life will work.
The thing that has changed my life is simply this… Three little words:
“Do what’s right.” Always. No exceptions. Even when others aren’t. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Act right. Tell the truth and nothing but. Accept the truth and nothing but. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate, even if it is not what the other person wants to hear. Be a big person. Resist the need to be right or to “win,” because really, at the end of the game, what’s the prize? Learn to draw personal boundaries with people, especially people you are in relationships with. Most of us aren't taught that at home or in school. Refuse passive-aggressive behavior (being mad at people and not telling them why but acting it out and being cold and insulting) Refuse to give passive aggressive behavior, learn to express yourself clearly, calmly, and stay in control of those emotions during discussions. You will find yourself more often in the cat-bird seat, you will also be far more focused, definitely respect yourself more, probably surprise yourself, maybe even get some of that respect for breakfast tomorrow. Resist the urge to try to control anyone but you. It’s a thankless job, grossly underpaying, and as I said, there is no prize. Control is all an illusion anyway. You can’t control another human being. Well, you can, but they will hate you for it.
Be good to the people who are/were good to you. Be fair. Resist the urge to enable. My rule of thumb is simply this: When we do for another what they can and should be, doing for themselves, it’s not how we help another person, it’s how we cripple a soul. It's as bad as alcoholism or a gambling addiction and it doesn't just take you down, but it takes down every relationship around you.
If we are to live a life of integrity and authenticity, we must be transparent. Put down our nonsense. Stop believing what we’ve been told about ourselves, and become who we want to be. Learn to say no. Grow up and let others do the same. We are not children anymore. We get to be who we want to be.
If you have been through a lot of stuff lately, just know that you have probably been through a Back Door Blessing. God is in Charge, but you have to do your part.
Have Faith. You’re where you’re supposed to be. Welcome 2016. We await you with open arms. We believe and Declare this to be our BEST YEAR EVER!

Can I get an Amen?

Happy Fall, Friends!

Last month was the very first time I have missed posting a monthly inspiration.  Not because I was uninspired (I am always inspired) I was just swamped.  One of the most important things I have learned in my school of wisdom (read: getting older) is not to over extend myself to the point of creating stress and madness.   At one time, I was brilliant at that. I still have to check myself, and I do.

 Currently I am in Deland Florida performing my comedy hypnosis show at the Volusia County Fair and Youth Show for the next 2 weeks. I am in a spectacular mood, even if my alarm clock didn’t go off the day I left and I was like a CAT5 Hurricane getting ready to get out the door and to the airport. Oh well.  “And so what?”  I made it!   All is well :)

 I love what I do so much. I love people. I love meeting people who I have been FB friends with and getting to meet them for the first time as well as seeing them again as is the case when I hit the same cities twice or more.  Every city brings a new energy and this little city is full of really fun people who want to have a good time, and nothing will give people a better time than a comedy hypnosis show!

 I love putting people in hypnosis because contrary to what it looks like, they are not sleeping, in fact, they are simply in the dream state, that wonderful place between asleep and awake when your best ideas and solutions to problems come to you so easily. A person in hypnosis doesn’t care what people think, there is no critical factor to the mind as when they are in full consciousness and judging everything that they say, and even think. They have no fear. Even though their eyes are open while performing routines and suggestions I give them to follow, they are in the “dream” state and even know that what I am asking is ridiculous, but they do it anyway because to them it simply sounds like a great idea.”  When they open their eyes and see the audience, they see them, they just don’t bother to think about why they are there.

 Imagine what it would be like, if in our conscious state we could be fearless, courageous, not be too concerned with what others are thinking of us to the degree that it holds us back from being our best, most authentic selves?  What if in our mind, all things were possible instead of the fear of maybe failing?  What if we could stay focused and concentrated on things instead of scattered and distracted by the “bright, shiny, objects?”

  Your mind is a beautiful gift from God, and you can learn to use it well.

Quiet the tapes playing in your head. You can learn to be a better communicator.   You can learn how take control of your emotions so that they don’t control you. 

 If you have the ability to come to Las Vegas and take my 'Get Your Fire Back' week-end seminar In January, please come take it. It will change your life, and you will have more fun than you can even imagine. I will be your personal life coach for the week-end and you will begin to look at life and people in a whole new way so you can take back some control and stop giving away your personal power.

This would also make an incredible Christmas gift. I have had mother-daughters attend together and separately.

 No matter if you can come here or not, you can take control of your emotions which run pretty much everything.

 Self-hypnosis is entirely possible, I do it all the time when I am feeling stressed out by life, or people.

Truly, it all begins with a slow, deep, breath in and out.  Then a pause to feel (not think) what is being asked of you (at work or in your personal life) and if what’s being asked is what’s best for you.

Decisions that tweak us need to be a win-win situation or it’s a “no.”

You are the most important person in your Universe. Everyone depends on you and you have to take care of yourself (and your mind) first, before you can take care of everyone else.  Hence the saying:

When Mamas happy, everybody’s happy J

 You are loved!

 Cat

  Here is where you can register and see more information about January's upcoming seminar:

 Http://www.getyourfireback.com 

I have not missed a day since this trial began in January. It’s fair to say that I have been "all in" emotionally in the outcome of this trial.

The Casey Anthony trial outcome broke my heart. I prepared myself for the worst and prayed for the best, but my intuition told me the outcome would be exactly what it turned out to be.

Itt seemed God has his hands all over this case, with the crime scene photos, which were some of the most important pieces of evidence to prove that she did it.

What are the odds that such an occurrence could take place? That the victims crime scene photos would be in the camera of the killer.

The only possible reason this could have even happened, given the camera that snapped the pictures, is if she took the pictures of Travis as he was waking up and unaware (which is what it looked like to me) then, once he was in the shower, she set the timer and snapped her now famous 'spread eagle' shot that Travis supposedly took after they had sex. I don't believe for a minute he took that shot. But I was not on the jury.

If she took  that picture, as I believe she well might have, that means the camera was still on “auto” and therefore when the camera dropped, it easily snapped a picture.

Without being on a timer, the camera would have to be prompted to take those incriminating pictures of Jodi dragging a dead Travis back to the shower stall. It was either that scenario, or a miracle. I believe in miracles, so I’ll just leave it at that.

This verdict will not bring Travis Alexander back, but it will help the family heal. What it does, is strike from the record any truth to the lies and shame this girl tried to put on the memory of her victim in that courtroom to save her own skin.

Not for a moment did she ever consider the unbearable pain she was serving his family. Not for a single second.

Jodi Arias is a very sick woman. She is a narcissist. I don’t believe she ever considered that she would be found guilty, as she indicated on her now famous "no jury will ever convict me" speech in her first televised interview after being arrested.  

She believed that statement with all of her little black heart, and I think she believed it all the way to the verdict. She couldn’t cry after the verdict, not because she is stoic, but because she was in shock, much like one might feel if they witnesses an accident so horrible they can’t look away because their brain can’t process a scenario they never imagined happening.

The pundits on HLN News have said that Jodi Arias shows signs of the following personality disorders:

Jodi Arias is a sociopath (a person without conscience)
Jodi Arias is a borderline personality
Jodi Arias is a psychopath
Jodi Arias is a narcissist
Jodi Arias is a pathological liar

Do yourself a favor, and Google every one of the above references. Do your LIFE 101 homework. The only way to escape an emotional vampire is to know what one looks like, moves like, and talk like.  You need to know how they can put people under a spell and trap you.

Take it from Travis Alexander.

It is said that one in every 25 people has a dangerous personality disorder. That’s a very high number. It is imperative that people learn how to read the signs of a dangerous personality. It could save your life personally, and professionally.

When considering friends, employees, relationships, partners of any kind, please learn to listen with all of your senses. Listen with your eyes and not your heart. Listen with your gut, your greatest gift of intuition, not your heart. Your heart will lie to you, your gut will not.  The words must match the behavior. Take it from an actress, otherwise, it's just dialogue. When in doubt, don’t believe the words, believe the behavior.

Believe your uncomfortability (I made that word up but I love it).  

The first time you feel a pang of discomfort in someone’s presence, LISTEN to it. Maybe it’s something they say, maybe it’s something they do, maybe it's the way they talk to the waitress, maybe it’s just a moment, but just pay attention to it.

Hear it. Feel it. Get out.

That’s your intuition telling you to beware. Don’t be so lonely that you will accept anything less than being treated respectfully, and nothing less. 

When someone says it’s over, thank them for being honest and walk away.

When someone makes you feel bad about yourself, when it’s over for you, remember that you don’t owe anyone with unacceptable behavior anything but a view of you leaving the room.

If possible, end it by phone. End it safely, or with family members present, just end it.

Here are warning signs of a dangerous personality.

When you meet someone and they engage you to talk about yourself more than they are talking about themselves, watch out.

LISTEN to everything they say. People love to tell us who they are and we are so busy being put under their spell, we don’t listen to what they are subconsciously telling us. Pay attention to how they treat the waitress, and other service people.

Normal people don’t move too fast. If someone is moving fast, if they are sweeping you off your feet, and where does that leave you? On your butt. Save yourself. It’s not romance, it’s someone who has something to hide and wants to emotionally ensnare you quickly before  that mask falls off and you see who they really are.

If someone is trying to spend so much time with you that your friends and family feel neglected. Take notice. Dangerous personalities always try to quietly separate you from your life in the guise of "just wanting to be with you. "Don’t buy it.

If your friends and family don’t like them. Pay attention to this. Consider that they have no emotional investment and have an unbiased perspective. Travis’ friends did not like Jodi Arias from the get-go. They saw things he could not because he was in a P trance.  She knew what she needed to put him under a spell. 

If you try to end it and they don’t let you, or they refuse to go quietly (anyone with any dignity will tell you that's not what they want but they still go quietly) or, they make you break up with them over and over.. get out, change your number, and call in the family and friends. No more face to face meetings. It’s OVER.

Say it, and mean it.

When expressing to someone your needs, and they don’t honor them, whether it be alone time, time with friends, a day at the spa, a vacation with friends, etc. that is a sign that they do not respect your individuality or your needs and want to control you.

Be careful of rapport building tactics. When someone enters your space, shares how much they immediately have in common with you, always says "I know exactly what you mean," or over compliments you, beware. Normal people want to discover you, like slowly unwrapping a beautiful package. Slow down, where’s the eff-ing fire?

A serious potential mate who is normal should express interest in meeting your family within a few weeks of meeting you.

If you are with someone and you feel trapped or like you are going crazy, get out, plan your escape if you have to. As Nike says, just do it.

If you are with someone who threatens suicide, just know that you are being emotionally blackmailed. It’s a form of manipulation to get you to be somewhere you don’t want to be with someone you don’t want to be with. Plan your escape and get help and support by any means possible.

Dangerous personalities are very charming. If you find yourself being charmed, take a mental break, do it immediately. Stop being so busy being in love, and quickly turn on your spidey senses.

If someone you just met talks badly about their former spouses and relationships and as part of their life story does not accept responsibility, watch out. They perceive themselves as victims and believes everything is someone else’s fault, and hey, won’t that be fun!

Beware if someone wants to have sex with you without an appropriate courtship and commitment. Once you cross that vaginal line, the game changes and you don’t want to regret it.

Implement my good friend, colleague and Therapist Dr. Lionel Schokness' 48 hour rule. You must have 48 hours of TALK time.

Not on the phone, not at a party, not at a movie, none of that.   I’m talking face-to-face, pure talk time. If kissing commences, stop the clock, it doesn’t count. You must have 48 hours of pure talk time. Done right, not having sleepovers with them, can take weeks and that is the exercise here. Because if after 48 hours of talk time you still want to move forward in an intimate fashion (which you probably won't) then you’ll have a better head on your shoulders to make that decision.

Best. Rule. Ever.

In my business we have a saying:

Do it once, and you are just doing it. Do it twice and it's a pattern, do it three times and  it's a habit

Simply by educating yourself, and learning to recognize the behavior patterns of others, as well as your own, you can create an incredible life.

Stop wasting your precious time.

Learn your patterns and others. and if you think this is all too much work, then remember Travis Alexander, and make it a game. Life is so much more fun, interesting, and fulfilling when you do. Life gets better when we do.

For far more information on this and other helpful tips on healing heartbreak, leaving, or avoiding dangerous relationships, personalities and accepting personal responsibility, check out my book "The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure" (Simon & Schuster)

http://www.catherinehickland.com

The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure is available on http://www.Amazon.com

As we give thanks for what we have and all that is coming, I just want to tell you all, how much I am thankful for you.

2012 has been a year of big changes for many people, not all of them pleasant and some downright challenging to our very core.

I know that when I am forced to change something in my life, even if I don’t want it, I have at last learned to let go and let God, because I know his timing and reasoning for things are for my highest good, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

I have two choices to make - move into acceptance and make friends with the change while I ride the wave to see where it takes me, or, I can fight it and be in angst and anxiety by my own doing.

This Thanksgiving, I am choosing to surrender (not give up, just surrender) to the things that are happening, so I can get calm and make a plan.

The choices we make while in chaos need to be the wisest choices we make. Getting calm and clear in the face of adversity or hard times is the biggest gift we can give ourselves.

While Cat Cosmetics has made the transition from the East Coast out to the far West, I am thankful for all of you, and the patience you have shown us and of course, the continued support.

It has been a gargantuan effort to move a company this size, while catching up with modern technology like a new website and all that goes with it.

There have been times where I wondered if I could go on. I am glad I did.

Josh, Lupe, and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

I am thankful for the ability to continue owning a small business and keeping people employed, and I hope the changes will allow me to employ even more people in the future.

It is because of you that this is possible, and for that, I am truly thankful.

Enjoy your holiday, and share the peace.

Make it a loving one!

I love you,
Cat XO