Why Do We Say Yes, When What We Want to Say, Is NO?
This past week, I had an experience that made me want to sit down and blog about it immediately.
I did something I hardly ever do. I allowed myself to be talked into making a decision against my better judgement. Against My Wise One. My intuition. Call it what you will. I am talking about that inner-knowing when something is right, or wrong for you, and you do it anyway.
I will admit that I have a gift of amazing intuition. I sense, and feel things, deeply. I doesn't hurt that I am a behavioralist. I do know what's going on, even when people are trying to distract me by the bright shiny objects (Like, hey! Look over here!" or "These are not the Droids you are looking for")
Never, under any circumstances, accept being bamboozled.
I did something to please another, when I knew it was a mistake to do it. Sure enough, it ended badly, as things always do when we say yes, when what we really wanted to say is, no.
The great author and life coach, Alan Cohen, says, "If it's not a hell yes, then it's a no" and the first time i read that, I thought it was a perfect way to look at decision. If we can't do something with peace and enthusiasm, then we might really need to look a the situation a little more closely before making a decision at all.
It is perfectly all right to tell someone you are going to think on a decision, and get back to them. No one can argue with you wanting to take thoughtful time. They might try, but it's inarguable.
"I'm going to think about it, I'll get back to you," is a perfectly sane thing to say. When someone pushes you after that statement, then you can be sure that they have an agenda, and then you really need to be careful and take your time. A person without an agenda would say, "I hear you. You get back to me when you'e comfortable."
So why did I say okay, when in my heart, mind, and soul, I knew I should have said, "no, I'm sorry, that's not interesting to me. I already know how this story goes."
Well, I wanted to be a "good girl" and do what I was being asked.
That stove won't be hot next time.
Buck, who works with us, and is a Marine, always says the most wonderful things when we are conversing throughout the day, or at the dinner table. He says, "If a dog bites you once, he is going to bite you again. Not because he's a bad dog, but because that is his nature. of course, he is metaphorically speaking about people, and I think he is quite right. Do people change? Hardly ever, but yes, people can change. I just believe it takes a deep spiritual seeking to do so, because it's an inside job. Just be sure their words must match the behavior. If not, take it from an actress, it's just dialogue.
Women are the ones who always cave in, even though we have much stronger intuition then men do. But we are raised in a society that we must conform, not rock the boat, not hurt people's feelings, and be a good girl. The truth is, we are much better off when we have a mind of our own, take responsibility for our actions and decisions, and draw strong boundaries. That's how we learn, grow, change, and move forward.
Say no when you feel no. If you're not sure, tell them you're going to think about it and get back to them. Let's stop worrying about what other people think, and stick to what we feel and know.
Life gets better when we do ;)
Love for sure,
March 09 2015
I agree we women always seem to be the ones who have to do the compromising! It makes life tough sometimes but you are also correct that we need to set boundaries.