Happy New Year Friends!
I believe every day is a new beginning. We never have to wait for a New Year to start to start a new us, but there is something about the end of something that inspires us to begin something and so it is that we celebrate the beginning of this New Year that is upon us.
I don’t know why, but for me there is is something quite magical about the numbers 2-0-1-6.
As frightening as the world may feel right now, I believe there is a spiritual shift taking place that is going to be spectacular, depending on how we choose to look at it. Why do I feel this? Because I have been experiencing the discomfort that many of you have also been feeling, There’s no doubt about it, shifting is uncomfortable.
Every bump along the way has meaning. Every hurt you have endured counts for something. You may not be exactly where you want to be, but you are where you need to be until you get there, even if it doesn’t make sense today.
I call these back door Blessings.
On Christmas day, we decided to drive to Las Vegas from Los Angeles because we assumed no one would be on the road. We were wrong. A 4 hour drive took us almost 8 and when we pulled off the road in Victorville to get something to eat at the In N Out Burger, we had missed a fatal shooting at the In N Out parking lot by a half hour. Yellow tape all around the parking lot. Back door Blessing. I didn’t complain about the traffic after that. I was right where I was supposed to be. God is in control.
As I write this, I am about to face a challenge someone is wrongly putting me through. It is upsetting, but I am not going to get myself sick over it. I am doing everything I can, and going through it has taught me a valuable lesson. People are not always who they pretend to be. People have agendas. Not everyone has a pure heart, and that is not to make me change, but to simply make me learn a painful lesson. Run background checks on people. But in spite of this, I am calm. Why? God’s in control and I am a girl of Faith. He has my back.
In life, Don’t allow things and people to take you down. If you aren’t getting championed, then be your own champion until you get the support you need. I promise you, in my lifetime, I have pretty much emotionally been everywhere anyone who is reading this has been. I am not writing this from my head, I am writing this from my heart.
God has your back. If you live a life of integrity, tell the truth, do what’s right, take care of your business, your life will work.
The thing that has changed my life is simply this… Three little words:
“Do what’s right.” Always. No exceptions. Even when others aren’t. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Act right. Tell the truth and nothing but. Accept the truth and nothing but. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate, even if it is not what the other person wants to hear. Be a big person. Resist the need to be right or to “win,” because really, at the end of the game, what’s the prize? Learn to draw personal boundaries with people, especially people you are in relationships with. Most of us aren't taught that at home or in school. Refuse passive-aggressive behavior (being mad at people and not telling them why but acting it out and being cold and insulting) Refuse to give passive aggressive behavior, learn to express yourself clearly, calmly, and stay in control of those emotions during discussions. You will find yourself more often in the cat-bird seat, you will also be far more focused, definitely respect yourself more, probably surprise yourself, maybe even get some of that respect for breakfast tomorrow. Resist the urge to try to control anyone but you. It’s a thankless job, grossly underpaying, and as I said, there is no prize. Control is all an illusion anyway. You can’t control another human being. Well, you can, but they will hate you for it.
Be good to the people who are/were good to you. Be fair. Resist the urge to enable. My rule of thumb is simply this: When we do for another what they can and should be, doing for themselves, it’s not how we help another person, it’s how we cripple a soul. It's as bad as alcoholism or a gambling addiction and it doesn't just take you down, but it takes down every relationship around you.
If we are to live a life of integrity and authenticity, we must be transparent. Put down our nonsense. Stop believing what we’ve been told about ourselves, and become who we want to be. Learn to say no. Grow up and let others do the same. We are not children anymore. We get to be who we want to be.
If you have been through a lot of stuff lately, just know that you have probably been through a Back Door Blessing. God is in Charge, but you have to do your part.
Have Faith. You’re where you’re supposed to be. Welcome 2016. We await you with open arms. We believe and Declare this to be our BEST YEAR EVER!
Can I get an Amen?
Happy Fall, Friends!
Last month was the very first time I have missed posting a monthly inspiration. Not because I was uninspired (I am always inspired) I was just swamped. One of the most important things I have learned in my school of wisdom (read: getting older) is not to over extend myself to the point of creating stress and madness. At one time, I was brilliant at that. I still have to check myself, and I do.
Currently I am in Deland Florida performing my comedy hypnosis show at the Volusia County Fair and Youth Show for the next 2 weeks. I am in a spectacular mood, even if my alarm clock didn’t go off the day I left and I was like a CAT5 Hurricane getting ready to get out the door and to the airport. Oh well. “And so what?” I made it! All is well :)
I love what I do so much. I love people. I love meeting people who I have been FB friends with and getting to meet them for the first time as well as seeing them again as is the case when I hit the same cities twice or more. Every city brings a new energy and this little city is full of really fun people who want to have a good time, and nothing will give people a better time than a comedy hypnosis show!
I love putting people in hypnosis because contrary to what it looks like, they are not sleeping, in fact, they are simply in the dream state, that wonderful place between asleep and awake when your best ideas and solutions to problems come to you so easily. A person in hypnosis doesn’t care what people think, there is no critical factor to the mind as when they are in full consciousness and judging everything that they say, and even think. They have no fear. Even though their eyes are open while performing routines and suggestions I give them to follow, they are in the “dream” state and even know that what I am asking is ridiculous, but they do it anyway because to them it simply sounds like a great idea.” When they open their eyes and see the audience, they see them, they just don’t bother to think about why they are there.
Imagine what it would be like, if in our conscious state we could be fearless, courageous, not be too concerned with what others are thinking of us to the degree that it holds us back from being our best, most authentic selves? What if in our mind, all things were possible instead of the fear of maybe failing? What if we could stay focused and concentrated on things instead of scattered and distracted by the “bright, shiny, objects?”
Your mind is a beautiful gift from God, and you can learn to use it well.
Quiet the tapes playing in your head. You can learn to be a better communicator. You can learn how take control of your emotions so that they don’t control you.
If you have the ability to come to Las Vegas and take my 'Get Your Fire Back' week-end seminar In January, please come take it. It will change your life, and you will have more fun than you can even imagine. I will be your personal life coach for the week-end and you will begin to look at life and people in a whole new way so you can take back some control and stop giving away your personal power.
This would also make an incredible Christmas gift. I have had mother-daughters attend together and separately.
No matter if you can come here or not, you can take control of your emotions which run pretty much everything.
Self-hypnosis is entirely possible, I do it all the time when I am feeling stressed out by life, or people.
Truly, it all begins with a slow, deep, breath in and out. Then a pause to feel (not think) what is being asked of you (at work or in your personal life) and if what’s being asked is what’s best for you.
Decisions that tweak us need to be a win-win situation or it’s a “no.”
You are the most important person in your Universe. Everyone depends on you and you have to take care of yourself (and your mind) first, before you can take care of everyone else. Hence the saying:
When Mamas happy, everybody’s happy J
You are loved!
Here is where you can register and see more information about January's upcoming seminar:
“Do not be afraid to color outside the lines. Take risks and do not be afraid to fail. Know that when the world knocks you down, the best revenge is to get up and continue forging ahead.Do not be afraid to be different or to stand up for what's right. Never quiet your voice to make someone else feel comfortable. No one remembers the person that fits in. It's the one who stands out that people will not be able to forget.”
--Nancy Arroyo Ruffin
I JUST got back from my 2015 Comedy Hypnosis SUmmer Tour and immediately got gobsmacked with the flu. Being trapped in bed has its perks, you get to actually think!
Notes and thoughts from my bed…Being sick is a good time for reflection.
As I am laying here thinking, I realize that I have never shared this about myself: I have ADHD.
Yep, my mind moves at a million frames a second. It has taken an enormous amount of effort to be able to get control of it over the years. By trial and error, I have discovered all kinds of neat tricks to get refocused and use the elements of ADHD that are actually assets, but there are some things that never change and I am okay with that too. I misplace my glasses, phone and keys, and often can't remember why I walked into a room. And so what??
People with ADD or ADHD are often extremely creative people and usually very giving and open. We are sometimes misunderstood, misdiagnosed or never diagnosed at all.
It's just that the "bright shiny objects" can be distracting, and most everything can be a bright shiny object, or as my friend Scott says... "Squirrel!!" I have to constantly focus and refocus to stay on track with things in order to see them through to completion, especially if there are things going on causing me stress outside of the norm.
For someone who deals with this, I am proud to say that I have managed to accomplish quite a bit and never at the sacrifice of anyone else.
I have been Captain of my ship with my Chief Officer being our Almighty God, guiding me and championing me to each and every beginning and finish line. We have a wonderful partnership and love each other a lot.
But recently, under some very severe and real stress, I was having a rough couple of days focusing, when I had a friend very sharply snap at me (as if I was a child) "YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!!"
I immediately felt like the 5 year old standing in my parents living room. I can think of other times and places I'd rather go back to.
It was a startling moment. I stood there trying to understand it. No apology was forthcoming. It never came, I'm guessing I wasn't focused enough for her comfort level. I shut down immediately. After poking my head out of my shell, I immediately started to access how I was feeling. I find it's always best to get out of the thinking mind and into the feelings. You start to understand what's happening and make note of it as a learning curve for the future.
I have noticed that with age, I can easily let this mouth open and something awful but truthful will come out, so I have learned not to let my emotions run the show. Mind management is everything and that's why I am in it. The best teachers teach what they know.
I am happy, I have a good life, I am well accomplished, I am blessed, so why did this upset me so much?
Within a few hours, it came to me. I know I didn't deserve any person in my face over anything, and also because it was rude and inappropriate.
*sigh* You never know a persons struggles.
It seems ADD is on the rise these days. I meet and speak with hundreds of people every Summer after my shows. Anxiety and frustration from ADD is the thing I see and hear about the most. Maybe it's because we live in such a sound-bite world. Everything moves so fast. We are accessible 24/7 and never feel like we can really turn off our cell phones, computers and the like.
And, As my sister-in-law Carrie says, "Instant gratification isn't fast enough."
We don't get to go home after work and take a break until the next morning anymore, because people expect to be able to reach us all the time. Worse, we feel somehow obligated to comply with this madness. I have gotten good at taking my time and getting back to someone when I feel like it, or have the time, whichever comes first. Unless of course, it's urgent, and I will be the judge of that :)
So back to the moment of clarity...
If you know someone with ADD, please be patient with them. We are doing our best and the need for others to control the situation isn't helping. You see, when someone make a comment like that, all it does is shut another down.
Being a forever student of the mind, becoming a hypnotist and learning how this incredible Gift called our mind works, has allowed me to exponentially help not only myself, but others as well. It is no mystery as to why people love the experience of hypnosis because for once, that chattering mind stops and refocuses on something fun or meaningful. People, including me, get to wake up to life at its fullest.
People with any level of ADD or ADHD want to do better, and more often than not are doing their best. Any hardships we have to walk through need to count for something. ADD has made me a more patient and compassionate human being. It's also the hallmark of most great entrepreneurs, how about that!? If I were "normal" you probably wouldn't be reading this (or any of my books) watching my shows or wearing my makeup!
If it is you who is facing challenges such as this, or OCD or any other label, I understand you. It's okay to let people know how you feel. In fact, one of my favorite things I like to do when I am with a group of friends at dinner is ask them, "Okay everyone, we all have one, so... what is your OCD? I'll go first".. and I do.
At first, people feel awkward, and then walls come down and the stories start spilling out and we are all laughing about our wonderful oddities. Knowing we are not as different as we think we are helps us laugh at something that may have caused us a great deal of pain and anxiety when we were younger. Forget about it.
There is good news for all of us. It can work for you if you aren't "normal" you just have to know how to guide it. My good friend and well-known Doctor of Psychiatry and Author Dr. Dale Archer has written a ground breaking book about just that, titled, Better Than Normal, how what makes you different, can make you exceptional.
Did you hear that? We're exceptional! Embrace it! Yay! SQUIRREL!!
Love For Sure,
BTW... what's your OCD?
In a few weeks, I will be leaving for my Summer Comedy Hypnosis Tour.
I. Can. Not. Wait.
I love this time of year, because I will be performing over 100 shows, have the opportunity to meet thousands of people (I love people) and best of all, I get to meet and see so many of YOU!
This Summer I will be performing at The Delaware State Fair, (July 23rd-Aug 2nd) The Ohio State Fair Aug 4th-9) and the Illinois State Fair (Aug 13-23rd) If you have never seen a comedy hypnosis show, If you are near, come on down! You will laugh until you cry, and laughing is very important to our well-being.
It’s true, even if you are in an argument with a loved one, if either of you can get the other to laugh, the game is pretty much over. Laughter heals. It opens lines of communications and eases tension. I had very hurt feeling recently and when I wrote the person, the response I got back was not only sincere, but also truly hilarious. All of my hurt went away, just like that. Gone. Done.
Laughter, leads to love. If you ever ask a comedian why they put themselves through such torture as getting up on a stage alone with the possibility of facing utter rejection by an audience, they will tell you, that when they get that golden feeling of making people laugh, they not only feel loved and validated, but there is such personal satisfaction knowing you made someone forget their problems for a time. It is virtually impossible to laugh and be in fear, or misery, or grief at the same time. So even if you are going through something really hard, ask the funniest people you know to go to dinner with you and get some relief. Or, go to a local comedy club and watch the brave and talented people who get up there to make you howl. Bad news will always wait, grief can wait, and sadness can wait.
One of the reasons You Tube is so popular, is because there are so many funny things to watch. It’s a form of therapy, because to the best of my knowledge, you can’t laugh and feel depressed simultaneously.
I chose the profession I am in because of two things, I can help people, and I can entertain people, sometimes at the same time, and sometimes in very different settings. The mind is an amazing thing. How it works, is my business, and I have dedicated many years to understanding it and how it works. You are, in fact, what you think.
Yes, sometimes people do need chemicals to release serotonin levels to their brain; it is called a chemical imbalance, and is a flaw in chemistry, not in character. Laughing also releases chemicals to your brain, and so, I insist that you do everything you can to go get yourself some good laughs.
You may even be able to clear your head enough to think your way out of a problem. Everything can be changed, fixed or solved; the problem is that we get so involved in our story that we get lost in the bad feelings they have created. So go see a comic, be with your funny friends (that thing about misery loving company is true, so steer clear of those folks when you’re in a funk) and stop thinking so much. Relax your mind and the body and soul will follow, that’s how the mind works. It’s in control; so pay attention to what you’re thinking about. Learn to manage your emotions so that they don’t manage you. Go to You Tube and type in “comedy hypnosis” or “funny animal videos” and get those dopamine’s up. I promise, the more you practice serving your sense of humor, the less power your hard feelings will have. Remember, what the good witch in The Wizard Of Oz said, “be gone, you have no power here!”
Have a great Holiday Weekend, God Bless you!
Happy Fourth of July!
Love for Sure,
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind"--Dr Suess
The feeling of inner-peace is the greatest gift of all. There is no price on being able to sleep at night, to be able to drown out fear, doubt, and sadness, and to replace it with a feeling of well-being, safety, and joy. I don’t know anyone (myself included) who hasn’t felt despair over something.
Why is it that some days you feel as if nothing is going your way, you can’t think your way out of your problems and you don’t understand yourself, and other days it feels as if you are on top of the world, no one can beat you down, you are so happy you can hardly breathe, you are unstoppable.
Allow me to introduce you to your “Inner Super-Hero.”
Who is that you ask?
It is that indescribable feeling we get when we are being who we authentically are, who we were meant to be, and when we are doing what we really want to be doing, with who we want to be doing it with.
Our inner super hero disappears when we are trying to force ourselves to “suck it up” (if anyone ever uses that term with me it is cause for immediate dismissal, it is SO negative)
Sucking it up is agreeing to be anyone but who you really are. It is conceding that “this is as good as it gets,” or knowing that our boundaries are becoming weak.
Don’t you dare suck it up! Change it! Or make steps to change it. And, until you can change it, make peace with it by changing the way you look at it, so it won’t eat you alive. As challenging as it is, focusing on the positive, or a plan, or a goal, will take you much farther than focusing on what you don’t want.
For the sake of an example, let me use Caitlyn (The woman formerly know as Bruce) Jenner as an example. This girl has probably not experienced much inner-peace in her entire life. I imagine now that she has transitioned, she has a great deal more of it than she imagined she would. She knows that the friends and family who support and continue to friend her into her new life will love her for who she really is. When we love people, we encourage authenticity, and if we can’t or won’t do that, then we should leave them alone and not hurt them.
Regardless of whatever anyone thinks, believes, or how they judge, Caitlyn is probably okay with it all, because she is living her authentic life. She knows that people are afraid of what they do not understand, and people judge, because they can.
Being different is supposed to be a good thing, yet people are afraid of people who are different. Change frightens the life out of people, and fear robs our inner-peace, so you begin to see why peace eludes most folks.
Flexibility and patience is the key to happiness, yet many of us are neither. We are often uptight, black and white thinkers, who stumble through life following our hearts, emotions, and doctrine instead of our intelligence and humanity.
As a Christian, watching the news and hearing people representing the Christian faith bashing Caitlyn Jenner makes me wonder.
If they are going to quote scripture, then quote this one: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” It’s my favorite because it makes me understand that anything that doesn’t involve me, is just plain none of my business. And I get to be free of negativity, free of anger, free of judgement of how another person chooses to live their life, free of fear, and free to love.
That sounds an awful like inner-peace to me ;)
Love For Sure,