"When people show you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou
Aloha from somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, on the way to Kona, Hawaii, our very last city on my 2012 tour. After this beautiful state, I will be very happy to be able to go home and be with my Buddy Boo, as well as Amigo, the baby Mallard that Buddy has adopted. I miss all of our pets desperately when we are away, but when we are home, I am with them 24/7. I would not be able to tour and earn a living if we didn’t have honest, Christian, trust-worthy, incredible people watching over our home and pets. They love on our land and our pets as if they are their own, and I am most grateful for each of them. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.
Now on to the goods.
The other day I wrote a post on Facebook that seemed to hit a nerve with literally hundreds of people who liked, shared or commented on the post. It wasn’t anything extraordinary, but I have been put through unnecessary drama by a few people this year, and I merely wrote the post as an affirmation for myself, a reminder that the rest of 2012 would be about cleaning my spiritual house and starting 2013 with a fresh outlook, new goals, dreams, and desires, and most important of all, a new year free of toxic people.
How do you know when you are married to, living with, friends with, work with, work for, or related to a toxic person?
One would think it’s as clear as a summer day, but often we are subjected to it for so long we somehow dupe ourselves (for the sake of coping) into believing that it is normal. We begin to accept feeling exhausted, worn out, headache-y, backache-y, spiritually depleted, constantly rushed, and have no time for ourselves, as normal.
Toxic people are an energy suck.
Toxic people are emotional vampires.
They are manipulators, they lie, they can be exactly what you need them to be when they want or need something from you. Their needs will always be more important than yours.They will bend your ear with every problem they have, and if they think the problem is you (and in their eyes, it always is) they won’t necessarily tell you in words, but instead, act outrageously passive aggressive towards you.
Here’s what passive aggressive behavior can look and feel like: Imagine if someone hates you (while professing to love or care for you) but aren’t kind enough to tell you. Instead they act morose, sullen, bored, grumpy, and hateful, and not own one single bit of it. This eats away at your sense of well being, and self-esteem, making you feel/think it must be your fault that they feel that way. You keep scrambling to make peace in the house or situation. It kicks even a light-weight co-dependent into high rescue gear, and before you know it, you are emotionally drained, have constant headaches, backaches, feel spiritually bankrupt, on edge, and flat-out exhausted.
Toxic people do not always realize they are toxic.
But they are.
They don’t realize this because in their mind the world is all about their problems, their feelings, their wants, their needs, their boredom, and how they can’t catch a break. They will not accept one ounce of responsibility for their own “bad” luck (and believe me, their bad luck is mostly all they talk about).
They become world class emotional manipulators to get what they want from people, without a care in the world to what it might do to another who gives up precious time, resources, and money, to give them happiness that won’t last more than a few minutes anyway.
They believe they are victimized by life, but the truth is, they are just plain lazy, and perhaps a little crazy. Sadly, toxic people can come in all shapes, sizes, pretty dresses (or suits) and colors, so you have to be smart and educated about spotting one before another one slips under the radar screen and ingratiates themselves into your life.
Do not make the mistake of diagnosing them (another huge mistake we can make thinking we are being helpful), just plan an exit strategy and hold on to your pants, knowing you can do anything, when there is an end in sight.
So, how do you know if you are with, work for, related to, or live with a toxic person?
Many people don’t understand why they almost always feel sick or stressed out, but taking a good close look at who you surround yourself with is your first step towards real living.
If you want to know where you’ll be in five years, look at the people in your life now.
Pulling your head out of the sand is step number one. Many times we choose not to acknowledge or shine a light on the things in our lives that upset us, because that means we might actually have to do something about them.
When we know there is something we need to change in our life and we don’t take steps to change it it, we are in resistance.
We are resisting what we need to do (action) to get our life in a place of peace and calm (result).
If we don’t take action, it is likely we will not find peace, and in its place will be anxiety, sadness, and self-loathing. Hate tuned inwards, is depression. If we go too long without changing things in our life that need to be changed, we can actually cause a chemical imbalance within our brain from the constant stress, and become clinically depressed. The whole irony of this,is how we get there in the first place.
Are you ready for the answer?
Because we don’t want to abandon someone else!
In avoiding this most unpleasant task, we end up abandoning ourselves… giving, giving, giving, until we have nothing left to give, and believe me, the toxic person will take, take, take, until they plant you.
2013 is coming. A new year is coming, child!
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Do you have a toxic person or persons you need to clean out of your life closet? Are you afraid to make changes in your life because it is all you know? Are you abandoning yourself? Are you harming yourself by staying in a toxic situation and don’t know how to get out?
Roll up your sleeves, people.
Fire up the bull**** repellant!
2013 can be the year of toxic free living. It’s a good goal, and it will absolutely change your life.
My very dear friend and colleague, Dr. Lillian Glass, wrote a brilliant book, called TOXIC PEOPLE. It is one of the best books on how to extricate your self from, or cope with toxic people. It covers every situation you can dream up. It’s the best money you will ever spend, so go to Amazon and check it out.
Life gets better when we do.
I am dedicating my life in 2013 to having fun, spending more time with family, people I love (and who love me), exercising more, ruthlessly eliminating toxic people and situations, and getting to the business of loving every minute of my life.
You are in the business of you. Make your business a success.
Can I get an Amen?
You are loved.