"Surrender, Dorothy"
-The wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz
It feels so good to be back to where I belong, within myself, and at peace.
Those of you who follow my quirky life know that 2013 was a rough one. I lost my Mom whom I loved very much, and my beloved Buddy Boo for insanely stupid and thoughtless reasons.
Apparently from the mail I get here and the people who write me on Facebook, it was a tough year for a lot of people on a lot of levels. Personally, I was curled up in a crying and hurting ball for most of October, and all of November and December, straight through to Christmas.
I can’t remember ever being so angry, grief stricken, and heart broken - just plain depleted.
Well meaning family suggested maybe I go to talk to someone, but since I couldn’t even answer texts and e-mails, I sure didn’t feel like talking. My head was fine; it was my spirit that was broken. What I really wanted was for someone to pray over me, for me, and with me... anything to make me stop staring at the walls and railing against the world.
In the end, it was through Facebook that my prayers came in daily. So many Facebook "friends," most of whom I had never met, came to my page (and my aide) by the thousands and prayed me to healing. I posted my ugly thoughts and they recognized my brokenness, and reached out to my soul.
It would have been impossible to answer everyone who wrote me (you included), but every single one of those posts on my page meant more than you could ever imagine. My friends and family would have liked to have prayed for me, but I didn’t answer calls or texts (that would have required me to get off the floor and uncurl myself).
Finally in December, I was so over myself and my sad feelings that I picked up the phone and called in the three prayer warriors I can always count on.
My healing at that point was swift and immediate. Unbelievable, but true.
When we are suffering from the loss of a loved one, a pet, lost a job we loved or needed, or whether we just had our heart smashed by a relationship whose expiration date had come to pass, we need to give it it’s due to move forward. Eventually we tire of our exhausting feelings, and then what?
The thing I discovered is that I found a place for the sad feeling. I put it on a shelf, so to speak, in it’s own compartment. I could visit it if I wanted to, and even have a new feeling about it. Maybe I would go on a long time without a visit, maybe I would visit it when I felt better to enjoy the visit.
When I visualized this, within a very short time, I was able to look at photos and videos of my Mother as well as Buddy Boo. I might shed a tear, but it was for the gratitude of being able to have the privilege of having them in my life in such a profound way, instead of tying myself nonstop to an emotion that was keeping me from enjoying that experience. I could not change what had happened, but I could change the way I was looking at it, freeing myself from any more paralyzing emotional suffering. Realizing that there is no escape from the usual stresses of life and work, I also made a commitment to myself to stay true to my need for unnecessary stress and drama, at all cost.
I also recommitted to spending time each morning meditating on God and the love he has for me and wants me to have for myself. This is available to anyone who seeks peace. And this is the daily meditation book I recommend. A little page a day will do you. Trust me, anything that reconnects you to your spirit and gets you calm and at peace is worth a few minutes a day.
I light the candle, read the page, think about what it means to me, see my day as I would like it to be, and close it with a prayer.
Suddenly, my life is beautiful again. Just as Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Surrender to personal peace.
Love For Sure,
Cat
3 comments
I too lost my mother whom I loved dearly many years ago. It took me a long time to be able handle the grief. The answer for me was much like yours. I had to put “it away”. I would look at it when I thought I could handle it. Eventually it became easier and I could think about Mom and remember all the love she so freely gave. That love is in us now and the best tribute to them is to share it.
Love and Peace,
Georgia
I know exactly how you felt, the whole month of January I was in a bad state of emotions. I turned 60 yrs. old in January (that was not the reason) its been 2 yrs. since my Mom had passed away and we were very close, just like you and your Mom. My Mom had given my husband, my brother and his wife a happy 60th birthday card and $60.00, for their special day. She told me that she had a card for me and $60.00 inside of it and put it in a mental box in her closet in case she wouldn’t be here. Of course as anyone would say I would tell my Mom oh you will be here where do you think you are going, and she was not sick at all. Well, that didn’t happen, she had a fall, had surgery and was never the same, her spirit was gone, she gave up, she didn’t have any fight left in her and within a couple of months she passed away. I took that birthday card home and kept it in my drawer until now, Jan. 30th for my 60th birthday. All month long that is the only thing I could focus on was my Mom was not her to see me turn 60, it has been so sad and tears are flowing even now as I am writing you. When my Mom died a part of my heart went with her. I know she wouldn’t want me to feel this way on my birthday she would want it to be a happy occasion, but its hard. It touches my heart that my Mom did this for me, it shows how much she loved me and I will never forget it. I am praying ever day myself asking God to give me strength and relieve me of this emotional rollercoaster I seem to be on at the moment. I also have been watching Joel Osteen every Sunday and reading his books, which I find to be very helpful. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel, and reading your inspiration made me feel less alone also. Thank you for sharing your feelings. God Bless You!
xoxo … powerful words from a powerful woman … much love, you huggable warrior.